COMMUNICATION EDUCATION

Oftentimes, I work with clients who want to communicate their wants, needs, and boundaries to others, but are unsure how to go about it or are not confident in how to approach communication in a healthy way. 

I wanted to offer some education on the breakdown of communication and different types of communication styles so you can identify your communication behaviors and gain insight as to how to navigate communication in a healthy way. 

Communication breaks down into three categories: 

Body Language, 55% of how we communicate

Tone of Voice, 38% of our communication

Words, 7% of communication

Most clients are taken aback by the breakdown and that it is mostly our body language and tone, not our words, that account for the majority of our communication to others. 

I ask clients to think about each category of communication and think about both healthy and unhealthy behaviors they engage in for the three categories. We can learn to hold ourselves accountable for how we communicate our feelings to others by remaining cognizant of our actions within the communication sphere. 

Now, I would like to discuss the four styles of communication we engage in when conflict is present:

Passive Communication: 

A style of interacting where a person avoids expressing their own needs, desires, or opinions, often prioritizing others’ preferences to avoid conflict.

Examples of Passive Communication: 

Avoiding eye contact – looking down or away during conversation.
Slouched posture – appearing small, withdrawn, or insecure.
Quiet or soft voice – difficult to hear or hesitant tone.
Fidgeting – playing with hands, clothes, or objects nervously.
Nervous laughter or smiling when uncomfortable – trying to appease or mask discomfort.
Minimal gestures – limited hand or facial expression when speaking.
Crossed arms or legs – may signal defensiveness or closed-off energy.
Stepping back or physically shrinking – creating distance or yielding space in group settings.

Aggressive Communication:

A style of expressing needs, wants, or opinions in a forceful, hostile, or disrespectful way that often violates the rights of others.

Examples of Aggressive Communication:

Intense or prolonged eye contact – staring to intimidate or dominate.
Pointing fingers – used as a blaming or commanding gesture.
Tense or rigid posture – body held stiffly, often appearing confrontational.
Clenched fists or jaw – physical signs of anger or readiness to fight.
Invading personal space – standing too close to assert dominance.
Sharp, exaggerated gestures – chopping motions or finger jabs.
Raised voice or shouting – used to overpower or control.
Facial expressions of anger – scowling, glaring, or sneering.

Passive-Aggressive Communication:

A style where a person expresses negative feelings, resentment, or anger indirectly—often through sarcasm, procrastination, or subtle digs—rather than addressing issues openly.

Examples of Passive-Aggressive Communication:

Forced or fake smiles – smiling while clearly irritated or upset.
Eye-rolling – showing disdain or frustration without verbalizing it.
Crossed arms with a smirk or raised eyebrow – conveying sarcasm or hidden defiance.
Avoiding direct eye contact – paired with dismissive or sarcastic comments.
Sighing loudly – expressing annoyance without saying anything directly.
Deliberate slowness or dragging feet – subtle resistance through body movement.
Turning away or facing sideways when addressed – nonverbally dismissing someone.
Subtle mocking gestures – like mimicking someone behind their back or exaggerated nodding.

Assertive Communication:

A style of expressing thoughts, feelings, and needs openly, honestly, and respectfully while also valuing the rights of others.

Examples of Passive-Aggressive Communication:

Steady, comfortable eye contact – shows confidence and engagement without intimidation.
Upright, relaxed posture – conveys self-assurance and openness.
Calm, clear tone of voice – firm but respectful and controlled.
Purposeful hand gestures – used to emphasize points without being exaggerated.
Neutral or friendly facial expressions – shows sincerity and approachability.
Appropriate personal space – respecting boundaries while staying connected.
Open body stance – uncrossed arms, shoulders back, facing the listener directly.
Nodding when listening – signals attentiveness and respect for the speaker.

I encourage all of my clients to evaluate, without judgment, their communication behaviors and see if they can adjust behaviors to be more assertive. Engaging in assertive communication can increase our self-confidence when addressing concerns, feelings or thoughts with others. 

Give it a try! What’s the best that could happen?